So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
