Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
