i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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