Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
