Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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