You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
