I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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