help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
