I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
