Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
