ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
