Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
