If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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