...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
