Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
