I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
