I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think a kid would responsible me up
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
