If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
