hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
