I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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