awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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