Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
