I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
