how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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