you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
