I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
