I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
