After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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