Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
