I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
