Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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