Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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