your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
