just come out here and I will go home with you...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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