Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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