I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
