You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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