I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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