I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
