i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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