listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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