I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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