you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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