She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
