hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
