Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
