8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
