Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
