He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
