eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
