I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
