she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
