for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
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